I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
