i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
