as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
