So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
