I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
