Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
