meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
