I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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