I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You are the jesus of drinking
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
