I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
