Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
