She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
