Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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