I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
