Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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