turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
