I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
