The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
