I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
