I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
