Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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