Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
