dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
4 words: hood of his car
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
