he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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