SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
BRING THE BAGELS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
