I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
