i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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