If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
