then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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