He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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