"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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