Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Randomize
