we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
