Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
