After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
