I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
