And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
