we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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