Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
