If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
