I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
