5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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