Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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