True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
