I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
