She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
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