Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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