I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
