Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
