her vagine was all disorganized.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
