Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
