babies were throwing up all over the place
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
