masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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