im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
