take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
