I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
FUCK WHALES
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