My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
