Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
