How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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