its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
