I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
